the doubts about travelling

today i went to the town hall to pick up my new passport. in order to travel you gotta have a valid one - well not necessarily but it does make things a lot easier, right?!

while standing in line, i was watching that old lady who was moving so slow that you would become angry only by looking at her. german bureaucracy. not better than anywhere else on the world.

my mind started wandering. so here again, i stood. another passport. another flight. a new destination. only a week ago i was thinking about to settle for study or work. somewhere. everything is better than moving restlessly, right?

no aim, no money, no nothing.

just getting hold of some cash and then moving on to the next adventure. spending it only to be followed by a thousand side jobs.
the same cycle again and again. what's all this about?
what's gonna happen after this trip? where will i be next year? what do i do if i run out of cash, stucking somewhere in the middle of nowhere? what about my career?

 ----- i paused. ---- that's one of the worst /

////here we are - doubts. the doubts about my lifestyle. if i don't watch my thoughts, they come. first they whisper so gentle you won't even hear them, and suddenly they are breaking your door and you realize "whooou they have been there a while now!" so long that you cannot imagine that they do not actually belong there. 

i heard my name. i focused. the old lady was shouting angrily at me. i started moving.
after all, what is it all really about? is everybody really happier staying at one place? does it really matter who i become, as long as i am?
i hand in the papers, my old passport.
"do you want to keep it?" she asked. i hesitated. maybe? why not? all the stamps, all the memories...
"no thank you." - after all you gotta move on!

relieved i rushed out of the town hall. the wind of freedom blows out here.